if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
