i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
