he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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