i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
