on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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