i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
