I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
