I wish I could teleport
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
