woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
