My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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