I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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