i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
