I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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