This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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