I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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