Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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