also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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