You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
