dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
