Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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