I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
