i think my tv is drunk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
