i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
