Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
