I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
