P.S. I can't hear my feet
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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