Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
