if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
