There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
