I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
