Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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