There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
