somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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