"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
