so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
