Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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