I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
