The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
