Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
