True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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