stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
