If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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