apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He keeps bees of course he's weird
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
