ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize