omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
