Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
