You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
