I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
