"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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