theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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