Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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